


Blackberry Winter Blossom

by earthphoenix (roughknuckles)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Babies, Domestic, Family, Kissing, M/M, Metamorphmagus, Orphans, Post - Deathly Hallows, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-War, Pre-Slash, Snape Lives, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-25
Updated: 2007-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 10:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2021673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/earthphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, the recently orphaned Teddy Lupin is in the care of his godfather, Harry, who hasn't a clue what to do. Dealing with his own issues of post-traumatic stress seem to effect his magical ability, so he calls in his former professor one more time for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The owl pecked at the thick glass window of Spinner's end, a dark, almost chocolate brown owl with a neat white scroll of parchment on it's leg. "Hoo ... hoo hooo."  
  
The window opened up automatically into what had once been the living room, now empty except for the stained outlines against the wall, of white, and not so white, where bookshelves and furniture had once been pushed up against. Now all that remained was a large, free standing mirror, hazed over in something like a white cloud. When the presence of something living was sensed, the glass trembled slightly, _State your purpose._  
  
The owl fluttered in and rested on the floor beside the mirror, hooting again at the sound of the voice and looking at the glassy surface.  
  
 _State your purpose_. The mirror repeated.  
  
The bird tapped at the glass and waved it's leg bearing the letter again, tilting it's head at it's milky reflection.  
  
There was a pause in the automatic message, and the glass cleared slightly, a solid hand reached out, gently stroking the bird before retrieving the message that was tied to its leg.  
  
The bird blinked, but stayed calm until the hand had finished stroking it's head and flew off rather quickly, spooked by the disembodied limb.  
  
In a room, many miles away, a former spy withdrew his hand from a mirror, taking up a note and turned it over in his hand as he walked back to his morning breakfast which he had left on his kitchen table to answer the Sentinel Mirror.  
  
 _Dear Professor Snape,_ The note began in a familiar scrawl, _I hope this letter finds you well. It's been a month since everything happened, and I never had the chance to talk to you as we were both carried off to the hospital so quickly. The frenzy seems to have died down enough that I can send a letter, finally (no, I don't enjoy the attention in case you're wondering). Anyway, I was wondering if there was a time I could speak to you about something I don't think anyone else can help me with. I don't want to talk about it like this in case anyone else reads it.  
  
I hope your neck is healing well.  
\- Harry Potter_  
  
Severus sighed, _It never ends_. placing the note down on the table before him, picking up his fork and eating from his bowl of mixed fruit and berries. His eyes examined Harry’s handwriting carefully, he determined that it was in fact Harry who had written it because of how he wrote his S’s and O’s. But then the question became, did he write it on his own accord, or to lure him in? For what?  
  
It took until the end of a rather slow paced breakfast for Severus to decide to write back, walking into his home office that looked much like the one he had kept while a professor at Hogwarts. He wrote:  
  
 _Dear Mr Potter,  
  
You have asked, and I shall serve. Make yourself available by ten this evening in Greenwich Park, by the Old Royal Observatory. If you are not there, I shall not wait, and the offer shall not be extended to you again.  
  
SS _  
  
This, Severus folded in half and presented to a large, black bird sitting on a perch, hunched over and squinting, looking out of the window, "If you please" the bird straightened, snapping up at the letter before taking flight out the window just as Severus opened it for him.

 

*               *               *  
 

Around ten 'o clock that evening, a young, dark haired man sat on a bench, slouching casually, watching green leaves blown over the trail beneath his feet as they tumbled from point to point. He looked ordinary, maybe a little handsome, but somber, almost joyless as he looked around expectantly, tense.  
  
"Mr Potter." A voice came from Harry’s side, slowly walking towards him from along a path that ran perpendicular to the Greenwich Meridian.  
  
Harry blinked and looked up through his shaggy, dark hair that these days resembled his late godfather's so much with his bright green eyes and stood, respectfully. "Professor," he said, smiling shallowly and rubbing his right forearm through his casual brown muggle shirt.  
  
"You have questions for me?" Severus prompted, curious by what seemed like Harry’s sudden change in behavior with him.  
  
Harry nodded and looked around, "Do you want to go somewhere a little more private and talk about this? I don't want a muggle ... or anyone else overhearing ..."  
  
Severus glanced to his side as well, trying to see what threat Harry saw that he had perhaps missed. He had considered the public park, at this hour to be a decent enough location. "As you wish, Mr Potter." Severus answered, his voice softer then normal, slightly scratchy.  
  
Harry nodded towards a side path for them to exit the park through. He looked even paler than he usually was, and more exhausted than one would expect a war hero to seem, "Thanks. So ... you look well."  
  
Severus did not respond to this, he looked the same. He wore a muggle sweater that curled up just under his chin, concealing his neck, similar to that of his high collared robes he wore at school. Except in public, he traded out his robes for a trench coat that fell just below his knees. Still the effect was the same, he concealed the true nature of his frame and body under layers of clothing. "What is it you wish to discuss, Mr Potter."  
  
Harry looked away and pushed his dark hair out of his pale, thin face, "My wand arm ... it won't stop shaking no matter what I do. I've been to a healer about it, they can't find anything physically wrong with it." Harry's right hand was shoved into his jeans pocket to keep the trembling down, almost not noticeable as long as the pocket was holding his limb still.  
  
"I assume, you have not performed magic since our last encounter."  
  
"Not ... not the sort of magic I did when last we met." The truth was Harry hadn't performed very much magic at all since his defeat of Voldemort, and when he had, he made himself use his left hand to do so.  
  
Severus stopped suddenly and turned to Harry, "Look at me."  
  
Harry stopped, not looking up at first, but looked up slowly, swallowing, unsure what to expect.  
  
The older man raised his chin slightly, waiting for Harry, his gaze however fell into something he saw swimming around in Harry’s eyes. "You don’t understand what has happened, do you."  
  
Harry's face went blank with horror and he could only whisper, "No ... no ... I ... my entire right arm, whenever I handle my wand all I can think about is ..."  
  
"You are still being torn apart. Your soul, Harry," he used the young man’s given name smoothly, _what your mother worked so hard to protect_ , "is still being torn apart."  
  
Harry frowned, shaking his head, "But ... he's gone, he's gone ... why- how can he still do this to me!?"  
  
" _He’s_ not. You are."  
  
"I'm doing this?" Harry stumbled a little, light-headed, but righted himself against a tree. "I'm tearing my soul apart? Why? What did I do wrong?" It made sense, now that Harry thought of it, the bone-chilling cold, the pain, his lack of sleep.  
  
"What did you do wrong?" Severus raised an eyebrow, "You killed a man."  
  
"I-" it felt like an icepick through Harry's chest to hear that and he snapped, "I STOPPED the DARK LORD! It wasn't MURDER!"  
  
"He was still a man. You’re soul, Harry, does not recognize between killing for good or killing for evil. You still killed a man. And it is tearing at you."  
  
"He was a murderer, a monster who ... it was self-defense!" Harry spat out every excuse that he repeated over and over in his head this past month, "He tried to kill you, he killed Sirius, he killed SO many people through his little army and he had to be stopped! He killed my MOM!"  
  
"And no matter how many times he justified it," Severus remained calm, "it still tore at his soul too, because he too, was just a man."  
  
Harry's wide green eyes went dull as he looked at Snape, "Do you think I deserve it?"  
  
"No, Mr Potter. I do not. I truly thought it could have ended another way."  
  
"So did I-" he replied in a small voice, his eyes falling as he turned and began to stride towards the muggle world again. He looked back, making sure that Snape was following and waited for him to catch up. _I should have done it another way, I should have used another spell, I should have let him somehow kill himself ...  
_  
"You will find, that you will start to feel better, when you can admit to yourself, that you killed a man, not just the monster he had become."  
  
Harry was silent as the walk light changed on the corner, silent as they crossed the street to the quaint, almost empty cafe on the corner with one waiter moving from table to table, polishing the formica. "Two please-" he mumbled as the waiter greeted them with a nod and menus, sitting them in a small, comfortable booth near a jukebox.  
  
"Can I bring you anything to drink?"  
  
"Hot water and a slice of lemon, thank you." Severus said sitting across from Harry, finding his silence most peculiar.  
  
Harry swallowed, raking a hand through his hair, "Um coffee, black. Thanks."  
  
"Sure," the waiter smiled, and moved back to the kitchen, leaving the men alone.  
  
"I did what I had to do. I did what I was raised to do! No one told me about this ..."  
  
"Do you truly believe that, Mr Potter? Fate, then? You had no choice?"  
  
Harry glared a little, "I didn't say I was born to do it, I said I was raised to do it ... from the time I was eleven. You don't think this is what Dumbledore really intended for me to do in the end?" He looked sad as the waiter brought their drinks and tactfully disappeared again. Harry took his cup with his right hand, or tried to, sloshing coffee all over the too-white saucer before he gave up. "I don't have any illusions about that anymore. I was a weapon, I know that. The problem is, what do I do now that I've done my job?"  
  
Severus found this curious, "You feel used? And yet, do not accept the outcome of your use."  
  
"No one prepared me for the outcome of my use!" Harry closed his eyes, taking slow, deep breaths as he hid his shaking arm under the table again, "Sorry ... sorry."  
  
"Harry-" Severus sighed, squeezing the contents of the lemon wedge into his cup of hot water, "This is your struggle. It cannot be cured by the words of any mentor. Until you, yourself come to terms with it, in it’s entirety … it will continued to tear at your soul. It is an internal struggle, a battle that cannot be helped with the aid of friends or an outline of direction from someone like myself."  
  
Harry turned his face away, almost choking on the sudden lump in his throat as he bit down on his own lip. "Sorry-" he took a deep breath, "this happens a lot lately." Harry looked over with teary green eyes, shivering hard, "I know I'm a mess, but I know you can help me, I know you won't treat me like some bloody hero for what I did ... you already don't. I need your help though, I really do because gods, it's not just me dealing with this ... Teddy is only three months ..."  
  
Severus’s lip parted, as if something had just struck him in the stomach under the table, _a child without parents, raising a child, without parents_. "What do you believe I can do for you, Harry?" Severus turned his gaze down to his mug of hot water, letting it cool as he sat in silence.  
  
Harry swallowed, truly at the end of his rope, "I ... please just ... I don't talk to anyone anymore. I can't, I can't stand it because everyone else expects me to be some sort of overjoyed war hero and I'm not any of those things! Maybe I just need someone to talk to, a real person not just Teddy who only cries and cries and oh GODS I haven't slept in so long ... I need any sort of help, Professor."  
  
"Then firstly, stop drinking coffee."  
  
"I need it to stay up with Teddy, I can't just leave him alone and screaming in his crib. He's used to two parents ... and it's just me."  
  
"I thought you wanted my help Mr Potter."  
  
Harry nodded, "Okay, stop drinking coffee and just let Teddy cry ... got it." He wasn't making fun of Severus, he was just exhausted and grieving, shaken by what he'd done and trying hard to give someone else's child the comforts he never had.  
  
"The boy will not cry, I will get him to sleep."  
  
Harry paused, looking up, having to blink for a moment to register what Severus had just uttered, "I'm sorry, I just thought you said ... what?"  
  
"You are confused, Mr Potter, so I remain patient. I am helping you, am I not?"  
  
"You ... are coming to my house? Really?"  
  
"Unless you object to having me near the boy."  
  
Harry took a deep breath, "No ... no of course not, no, but ... he's noisy and messy ... you've been around babies before?"  
  
Severus smirked, "Yes Mr Potter, I have."  
  
Harry paused, tilting his head, "Were you ever around me- when I was a baby?"  
  
"Yes, I was." Severus looked to his tea, not sure he wanted to know Harry’s reaction to his confession.  
  
Harry just blinked, his expression softening, "When?"  
  
"Shortly after you were born, while your father was still away." Harry would never know, but it took a great deal of effort on Severus’s part to say ‘ _your father_ ’, rather then ‘ _Potter_ ’ or to imply that perhaps it should have been someone else altogether.  
  
Harry blinked, moving a little closer, "My mother invited you?"  
  
"Yes. I am not in the habit of imposing my company upon others."  
  
"How was she?" he asked, concerned.  
  
Again, it was exceptionally difficult for Severus, as he saw Lily in his mind, holding her newborn son, "Happy."  
  
"Was she ... scared? Tired?"  
  
"Happy, Harry. She loved you very much."  
  
Harry was about to ask more when he noticed the clock, "Sorry, I have to get back ... he only has a sitter until eleven." He laid down a few muggle bills on the counter and looked at Severus before standing, "I understand if you have to go home ..."  
  
Severus stood slowly, "Once more Harry, do you wish my assistance, or not."  
  
"Yes-" he breathed out, unable to stop trembling finely all over from his soul splitting or just exhaustion and hope, he didn't know.  
  
"Does Lupin’s son have any medical conditions I should be aware of?" Severus began to walk with Harry, opening the door for him to leave the café.  
  
"No ... no," Harry shook his head, "no, he's a metamophagus like his mother but no actual problems." Harry walked out, waiting for Severus to follow, still a little dazed. _Snape's coming home with me?_  
  
"Are you quite sure?"  
  
"He's already been tested for lycanthropy if that's what you mean ..."  
  
Severus inclined his head, not bringing up that there can be various intensities of the disease that could have possibly been passed on to the boy. He would be careful, and see for himself just the same.  
  
"Trust me, Remus demanded every single test there was ... but as far as we all know, he's fine." Harry led Snape to a small, dark red car with a baby seat strapped in the back and unlocked the driver side door. Harry climbed in and reached over, unlocking the passenger door.  
  
 _Merlin_ , Severus opened the door slowly, looking in at Harry getting comfortable behind the wheel of the car, _unknown body found in the wreckage of automobile this morning … and thus ends Severus Snape_ , Severus imagined easily. He got into the car, glancing to Harry out of the corner of his eye.  
  
Harry started the car after two tries, "I told you, I haven't been able to stand a lot of magic-" and shifted the transmission with a grind of the gears and backed out of the parking space, nearly into two cars. "Sorry! Sorry! ..." he shifted again and lurched down the street. "It's not far."  
  
"Good." Severus said quietly, wide-eyed, his hand gripping at his own knee.  
  
Harry just sighed and turned a corner sharply, squealing the tires and almost hitting a fire hydrant, swearing under his breath as the car stalled and he had to start it again. "I'm ... trying, really, it's hard to learn ..."  
  
"Yes. Fine." Severus whispered, with his other hand near the side of the door, as if ready to jump out at any time.  
  
A couple of white-knuckled stops and starts later, Harry stalled the car just in front of a newer looking muggle house. It was small, but charming and neat looking, obviously just bought. Potter parked the car, pulled the key out and sighed, relieved, "Thankmerlin ..." he muttered before he climbed out, moving to the passenger side to open Severus's door for him. "This is it." There was nothing extravagant about the house or the yard, it looked rather average, even unassuming for the wealthy hero of the wizarding world.  
  
Severus nodded once, getting out of the car, glancing at it as if the machine were pure evil he had just tainted himself by sitting in it. He looked to the front of the house, the mid-height privacy hedges, and the closed curtains within, "And you trust me?"  
  
Harry blinked and his eyes suddenly looked very clear, sure of himself, "Of course I do ... my mother trusted you with me." Harry opened the little gate, pulling out a set of keys and walked up the small stairs, unlocking the door as quietly as he could.

A baby could be heard crying within and Hermione's face came into view, "Harry, there you are ... I'm sorry, I can't get him to stop, you're right, he's just ... maybe he's colicy?" She stopped, "Oh ... professor ..."  
  
"Miss Granger." Severus said quietly, not hiding behind Potter, but defiantly letting the young man stand between them, just in case the young witch did not approve.  
  
Harry took the baby, who quieted a little and clung to Harry's shoulder, chewing at his hoodie as his tuft of hair went from red to blue, "Thanks Hermione, sorry, I know you have to get back to Mungo's ..."

Hermione nodded, getting her bag, "I ... couldn't get him to eat, I tried everything, I'm sorry ..."

"It's fine, trust me there's an art to it. Thanks Hermione, have a good night at school, say hi to Ron."

Hermione nodded, "Sure, Harry" she stared at Snape for a moment, "Goodnight, professor." She left, closing the door softly, leaving Harry standing in a heap of baby toys and blankets, laundry, parts of a crib, and bags of diapers yet to be opened.  
  
Severus let his eyes drift across the room briefly, getting a sense of the place before he addressed Harry, "Does he have his own room?"  
  
"Yes, but I don't use it ..." Harry bounced Teddy a little and the boy whimpered, still breathing as though he were crying even though his tears had stopped. "Want to meet Uncle Severus, Teddy? Want to say hi?" Harry raised his eyebrows and turned the boy very, very slowly in his arms, walking him over, "Teddy Lupin, this is your Uncle Severus ... Professor, this is Teddy." Teddy had huge, huge blue eyes at the moment that matched his strange, wispy hair.  
  
Severus let the boy look at him, engaging him with his eyes as he pulled his jacket off, laying it over the top of a nearby couch, "Hello Teddy."  
  
Teddy blinked at Severus, his blue eyes going green, then purple, then brown, and then black like Severus's, his hair going ebony too in mimicry. The baby gurgled a little and opened his hand at Snape.  
  
Severus in turn mirrored the boy, opening his hand, then closing and opening once more, "Yes? Hello."  
  
There was something thoughtful about the baby's gaze and he leaned back against his godfather, then hid his face, shy. Harry turned him around again and bounced him, "That's actually the best reception anyone's had since ..."  
  
"It’s alright." Severus cut Harry off so that he didn’t have to say it.  
  
Harry nodded, "He needs a bath, I think, then a bottle ... do you want some tea or something to eat? I think I have bread and peanut butter, I can make toast." Harry walked into the kitchen with Teddy and started running warm water in a surreptitiously clean sink.  
  
"No, Harry. I am here to help _you_. I am not your guest."  
  
 _It was almost something a parent would say_ , and Harry set up teddy's bath mat and a few clean towels beside the sink, a bottle of baby shampoo and lotion. "Okay ... " his shoulders were still tense, squared as he carefully undressed his godson and after testing the water again, set him in the warm bath.  
  
As something new to focus on, Severus stood not far from Harry. Being around someone the boy trusted allowed Teddy to see him as unthreatening.  
  
Teddy was content, his small feet kicking back and forth a little as Harry washed him carefully. The baby's eyes kept switching from green to black, green to black as he looked between his godfather and the calm, dark man next to him.  
  
"When was the last time you slept for more then three hours?"  
  
"He likes baths, he's quiet, then." Harry yawned widely and Teddy yawned with him, smiling a little. "Hmm? Um ... dunno, I might have a couple days ago." Teddy yawned again and watched his godfather gleefully, almost clapping when Harry yawned again uncontrollably.  
  
"After he is fed, I suggest you sleep Mr Potter."  
  
"Okay ..." he nodded, blinking slowly and smiling at Teddy, "Uncle Sev is going to play with you for a little while, Ted, okay? Are you going to be a good boy?" Harry rubbed the tiny soles of Teddy's feet with the washcloth and yawned again as he rinsed him off for the final time and lifted him into a soft, clean towel, wrapping him up and carrying him to the fridge. "Do you like pizza?"  
  
"You – are – not – feeding that boy pizza."  
  
The chosen one opened his fridge, shaking his head as he pulled out one of almost twenty pre-filled bottles and dropped it in a pot of water that he set to simmer before walking Teddy back to the livingroom, starting to diaper him with expert hands. "Course not, I'm trying to feed _you_ ... I'll eat anything."  
  
"I am capable of attending to myself, Mr Potter. Recall, I am not your guest."  
  
"Well I like pizza and I'm ordering some ... so- just tell me what sort of flavor you like." Harry powdered Teddy's bottom and his glasses went white. "Almost done ..." he soothed the baby as the water heated the bottle.  
  
Severus gave no answer, but retrieved the bottle from the kitchen, pulling up the hem of his sweater, just a little, he tested the milk on his wrist before walking towards Harry.  
  
"Stop ... squirming or I might stick it to you again-" Harry mumbled, trying to close the sticky tab of the diaper so that it was tight enough. He looked up, trying to see through the talcum powder, "his bottle should be almost ... oh, you ... have it."  
  
Severus offered it to Harry, "Stick it to him?"  
  
"His ... diaper sticker, tab ... thing-" Harry fastened the diaper and took the bottle, lifting the diapered baby into his arms and testing the temperature on his wrist before he offered the bottle to the baby. "Thanks ..."  
  
Watching the two, Severus remained out of the way, but in direct line of sight. "Where is your room in relationship to his?"  
  
"It's ... there-" he nodded down the hall and then just walked there as he fed the baby, pushing the door open to the messy, cave like room with his foot. A bassinette sat on a stand just beside the only part of the bed that seemed slept in.  
  
"Ah, I see … there is no separation between the two."  
  
"He's too young, it's easier if he sleeps with me." Harry walked into his room, kicking muggle clothes out of his way and sitting down with Teddy in his arms who was almost done the bottle.  
  
Severus waited in the doorway, making no comment upon the condition of their home environment, or any other remark for that matter.  
  
Teddy finished his bottle and fussed, crying a little until Harry put him over his shoulder, patting his back. "He has to be burped or the gas builds up and then we're really in for a bad night."  
  
Still, Severus waited, "When you are done, will you try giving him to me?"  
  
Harry nodded, rocking back and forth with Teddy and then standing, pacing with the infant whose hair looked blonde-white, the color of Harry's sheets. "Come on buddy, come on ..." Teddy started to fuss, "burp ... you can burp ...."  
  
"Harry … please." Severus insisted.  
  
"You know how to burp a baby?" Harry asked cautiously, still pacing.  
  
"He doesn’t need to be burped. He needs to be positioned differently in order to comfortably digest his food."  
  
Harry paused, blinking, "What? How do you know ..."  
  
"Harry, please." Severus held a arm out, palm up.  
  
Harry nodded and handed Teddy over, then sat on the bed, watching him. "So how was I supposed to hold him?" _God, I'm the worst godfather ever. I didn't even feed him right._  
  
Severus held Teddy, what was traditionally considered ‘backwards’. He held the infant as if he were a bouquet of flowers, or a rugby ball, whichever allusion first comes to mind. Teddy laid on his stomach against Severus arm, his head resting against the crook of Snape’s elbow while the palm of the man’s hand was gently pressed against the underside of Teddy’s stomach, leg dangling on either side of his hand. Severus kept the child close to his own stomach as he slowly walked, his second hand rubbing over the child’s back. "There is no _supposed to,_ Harry … everything is learned. Some things will work, others will not."  
  
Sure enough, Teddy cooed immediately, happily, humming and playing with Severus's dark sleeve. "So where ... where did you learn this?"  
  
Again, Severus seemed to forget to answer Harry’s question, "Just needed time to digest-" he spoke to the boy, trying to engage him, then glanced up to Harry, "Go to sleep."  
  
Harry sighed, head in his hands, "Gods ... what else have I been doing wrong for an entire month to him?"  
  
"Stop." Severus said firmly, clearly not tolerating such talk. "… I apologize." He looked down to the boy again in his arm, "You sounded like Lily just then."  
  
Harry straightened, having never been told that before as he took his powdery glasses off, looking at Severus with exhausted, red-rimmed green eyes, "Really? She was bad at this too?"  
  
"She wasn’t bad at it Harry, and neither are you. She was worried that everything she was doing was wrong, that a single act was going to traumatize you for life … but the truth is, you were learning about the world, and she was learning about _you_."  
  
Harry laughed, "And I ended up traumatized anyway-" he smiled to himself, cheeks pinkening for the first time in well over a month, "sorry, bad joke. I'm beyond exhausted and I should just shut up and go to sleep, right."  
  
"Yes." Severus smirked, taking Teddy with him out of the room. "As you say ... shut up and sleep. I don't want to see you for at least ten hours. Good night."  
  
Harry grunted and tried muttering instructions through the gap in the door but fell asleep with his mouth open, drooling on the sheets.

 

*            *            *

 

Sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and his back up against the couch, Severus sat with Teddy in his lap who watched Severus’s efforts to build him something interesting. This was the third time Severus attempted to build a building, a rough replica of Hogwarts castle with the supplied wooden and plastic blocks. Though purposefully, each time Severus had given Teddy a block to hold on to in his fist, and after some time, would end up being tossed at the model, so that Severus could start over again.  
  
Teddy giggled quietly against Severus's arm, the cantankerous baby had turned docile and patted his own toes as he watched Severus's hands turn the bright block.  
  
Severus Snape, man of few words and not prone to talking to himself, however, was carrying on a somewhat one-sided conversation with the young boy, "And after we put the yellow rectangle up like this, then the blue triangle can go on top, like this, yes?"  
  
Teddy looked up with dark, dark eyes, fascinated with Severus, reaching up to him instead of the block. "Abbaababa" he babbled.  
  
"Abba?" Severus smiled a little, "Up? Up?" Severus wrapped his arm around Teddy, turning him in his lap so that the boy was facing him now, "Yes? Hello."  
  
"ABBAABABABA!" Teddy grinned, kicking his feet gently, then going shy again, hiding behind his own hands and peeking between his palms at Snape, "baababa."  
  
"Yes? Hello. Oh! Where did you go? Where? Oh?" Severus smiled assumingly whenever Teddy rediscovered that he was in fact still there.  
  
Teddy turned pink and hid his face again before peeking, "AI!"  
  
"Yes? Oh! Hello. Hello. Teddy."  
  
Teddy Lupin gasped and hid again, but stuck out his tongue and grinned, curling his tiny, pale toes.  
  
"Yes, I see you too." Severus placed his second hand gently on the boy’s side, holding him carefully so that he didn’t tip backwards.  
  
Teddy reached out with one hand and touched the tip of Snape's nose, gently.  
  
Severus blinked, then raised his eyebrows, "Yes? Hello to you too."  
  
Teddy smiled a little and patted Snape's lips, laughing a little.  
  
"Yes. Lips. Mouth. Ahhh ... see? M o u t h."  
  
"Awwb." The baby yawned and his hair went lavender before he opened his eyes again, blinking just as his godfather had. It was three in the morning, and the baby had finally been pleasantly tired out.  
  
"Tired?" Severus lifted the boy up into his arms as he stood, walking slowly around the living room until he found what he was looking for. Picking up a blanket which was bunched up behind a pillow on the couch, Severus sat with the boy, wrapping him in the blanket, resting him in the crook of his arm.  
  
Teddy blinked slower and slower every time, his eyes going warm and dark as he looked up at Snape, stretching. The baby fell asleep like that, mid-stretch, arms up in the air behind his head, small fingers curling as his breath deepened and evened.  
  
Severus watched the boy sleep in his arms, more then a little fascinated by the young life that was placed in his hands. As he watched the boy, he couldn’t help but wonder, would Lupin object? Would Tonks? And yet, already he thought of the boy as Harry’s child, as the boy would likely identify Harry as his father, not godfather.  
  
Teddy fell fast asleep, dreaming whatever it was that babies dreamt of, mostly soft colors and the sounds of voices, some from today, some from long ago as the new person who smelled a little like his father's jackets held him. "Mmmmbbbbbbb ..." he gurgled a little, humming happily as Harry made similar noises in the cave of his bedroom.  
  
It only now seemed to sink in for Severus that he was sitting on a couch, holding Harry’s godson while he slept in the other room. He did not know how it happened, but Harry was different. Though he was having difficultly sorting out exactly what it was. His own thoughts drifted as his head bowed forward, holding the child in his arms, falling into a light sleep.

  
*               *               *  
 

A voice spoke, close to Severus as Teddy was lifted carefully from his arms, "I'm sorry ... you should have a bed ..." Harry was awake, sun poured in the tall windows through the half closed drapes that came with the house when the chosen one bought it a month ago. Teddy was awake again, clapping happily at his godfather as Harry held him.  
  
Severus slowly lifted his head, cracking his neck as he focused on Harry, "Has it been ten hours yet?"  
  
"Six hours," Harry smiled with a little yawn, "feels like ten though ... do you want to take my bed?"  
  
"I recall telling you, that I didn’t want to see you for ten hours." Severus stood slowly with a sigh.  
  
"Keep your eyes closed and you won't," Harry grinned, "Really, you just spent all night sitting on my couch, go to bed and I'll feed him."  
  
Severus smirked, just staring at Harry a moment. _You just told me to go to your bed_. "Thank you, no. I have some things to retrieve from my home if you still wish me to stay."  
  
Harry nodded, kissing the top of Teddy's head as he took him to the changing table, "You just let me have the first real sleep I've had in months, stay as long as you want."  
  
"Then perhaps, I shall return again, around ten? A simple enough routine, I come here when it is time for you to sleep, and Teddy and I keep one another company into the late hours of the night. It is a start, but I must remind you, you did not risk contact with me because you wanted a baby sitter."  
  
"No, of course not-" Harry swallowed, turning to look at Severus. "In fact, I was wondering if you'd just like to stay here ... that way I can at least keep you up to date with-" he looked down at his right hand, where Teddy chewed on his fingers. "Everything else" he looked back, "There are lots of spare rooms, if by lots I mean two, and I do ... but they can both be yours if you want to ..."  
  
It was strange, until Severus cleared his head, all he had herd was, _keep you_. "I shall consider it. However, if that becomes the case, I must insist that no one know of our arrangement."  
  
Harry nodded, smiling a little over his shoulder until he yelped and groaned, "TEDDY!" The baby giggled and Harry covered his automatic sprinkler with a clean diaper, looking at the wet spot on his shirt. "Nice, Ted, nice" he looked back at Snape, blushing, "um ... I can be in charge of diapers."  
  
"Good idea" Severus said with a raised brow, "I'll leave you to it then."  
  
"Sure ..." he smiled, "see you later."  
  
"Good day, Mr Potter." Severus let himself out, disappearing once he passed Harry’s property line.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that evening, Severus Snape returned to the home of Harry Potter, knocking on the front door. He had changed his clothes and was now carrying with him a bag which held an additional change of clothes and a few potions he self-medicated himself with.   
  
Harry looked through the peephole, "What was Dumbledore's favorite candy?"  
  
Severus sighed, "I suppose the answer you are looking for, is Lemmon Drops … but that is hardly something only you or I would know, Mr Potter. Nevermind the fact that his preferences often changed."  
  
Harry opened the door, "An imposter would have tried to guess only one kind. Come in-" His face softened a little and he let Severus come in, locking the door behind him before he went to his bedroom, taking keys out and unlocking four deadbolts on the thick, new door before he went inside and came out with his godson.  
  
"Is there a reason behind the heightened security since last I left you, Mr Potter?" Severus did not necessarily disapprove, he simply wished to know what instigated the boy’s new-found paranoia.  
  
Harry blinked, pausing, "No ... no I just put this in when we came here ..." Potter blushed and kissed Teddy's head, _not everyone was ambushed by a dark lord at a year old, Harry, get over it already_. "Is that all you're bringing or is there more outside?"  
  
"This is all, for the time being." Severus kept his gaze upon Harry, "Any visitors today?"  
  
"No" Harry smiled a little, "like usual, I don't really have time for a social life now." He walked a little closer with Teddy who squealed at the sight of Severus and patted his hands together, "He knows you!"  
  
"Yes. Hello. Hello again." Severus showed Teddy his hand, flexing his fingers into a fist, then out again as he waved in this extra exaggerated fashion.  
  
Harry handed Teddy to Severus with a grin that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I'll take your bag into one of the rooms, the one next to mine is a little bigger, more closet space but we'd share a bathroom ..."  
  
"That is fine." Severus held Teddy, one hand rubbing over the infant’s stomach as he followed Harry, getting a better sense of the home.  
  
Harry had been vacuuming, only managing to finish Severus's new room which was, as promised, large, with a fantastic view of the rose bushes struggling to bloom in the backyard and the willow tree in the corner that secluded their yard from the neighbor's deck. "The bathroom is through the navy door, I tried to clean it up but then I had to change Teddy and it just ended up being easier to give him a bath again and then you came ..."  
  
"There's a bed downstairs, I'm keeping it for Ron and Hermione, but I can bring it up."  
  
"Their bed can remain, _theirs_ , where it is. I’ll manage, Mr Potter. Thank you."  
  
"Without a bed? I really don't mind, they already just bought another one, Ron forgot I have it here and Hermione just gave up reminding him."  
  
Diplomacy was cast aside, "No, Mr Potter. The idea of sleeping in their bed bothers me. I’ll manage my own sleeping arrangements, thank you."  
  
Harry shrugged, "Alright, do as you like then-" He looked around, licking his lips, "do you want the desk and bookshelves from the other room?"  
  
"I assume you do not work from home."  
  
Harry flushed deeply again, almost crimson as he squared his shoulders and crossed his arms, "I don't have time for work right now ..." _Go on, I'm a layabout like my father, aren't I?_  
  
"Do you wish to?" Severus asked, his eyes were down, looking to the boy in his arms, not to Harry.  
  
Harry took a deep breath, turning the lights off in the bedroom, letting in the descending sun light the room in a gold hue through the tiny shadows of the willow tree leaves. "Teddy is my responsibility. I'd like to work, but not until he's old enough that it won't mean I have to neglect him, besides, there's not a job out there that I can do without being made into some sort of publicity stunt."  
  
"And what work, exactly is it that you would like?"  
  
The fingers of his right hand trembled a little against the light switch like bare branches in a winter storm before he fisted it and walked out, to the kitchen. "I've only considered being an auror ... but it's not possible until I get myself under control. Hungry?"  
  
Severus shook his head no, "And that still interests you? Tracking down dark wizards?"  
  
Harry pulled a bottle from the fridge, starting to heat it in the pot of water on the stove, "I don't know anymore." He pocketed his right hand again, rubbing his elbow as he looked at Severus and Teddy again. "He's trying to be you ... look!"  
  
Teddy, sure enough adopted Severus's black hair and black eyes, and- Harry noticed- a heavy row of very dark, long eyelashes that everyone else seemed to ignore entirely on the former potions master.  
  
"You best be careful, little man, or else your face will stay like that." Severus warned against, looking down at the boy in his arms with some amusement.  
  
Teddy whimpered softly and looked down at his own small hands, shy again.  
  
"He didn't mean it Ted," Harry smiled and walked over, touching Teddy's back through his grey jumper.  
  
 _Yes I did._ Severus watched Harry curiously, "Harry, I understand the concept is rather unconventional … considering, but … just what is it, you want for yourself?"   
  
Harry looked up at Severus, searching for some sort of insult or sarcasm in his words. After all, Snape had always implied that Harry ONLY wanted for himself, that he was selfish as a youth, thoughtless and arrogant. Well, he thought, maybe he wasn't so far off. There was, however, no critique in Severus's eyes right now, no matter how long Harry looked. "I really-" he swallowed, hating to admit it, "I really don't know. I wasn't supposed to live this long, I hadn't thought of what might happen if I survived."  
  
It was something the two shared in common, one of many things, if the two were willing to look. "Though Teddy is your responsibility, don’t let that hold you back Mr Potter, if you feel there is something left in this world that would make you happy, help you feel accomplished and satisfied by the end of the day. You will find, that I will not tolerate you using the child as an excuse not to pursue something you feel strongly about."  
  
"He's not an excuse-" Harry sighed, going back for the bottle, testing it on his own wrist, "I just really don't KNOW what I want to do right now, with my life. I need time to think, I don't know if I want to keep chasing dark wizards ..." Harry looked at Snape pointedly, "or wizards I just assume are dark."  
  
Severus inclined his head, unable to thank Harry for mentioning that distinguishing point, though his body language suggested he appreciated it. Passing Teddy back to Harry to be fed, the man stepped back. "I believe Harry, that there are many things on your mind, that you may or may not even be aware of … but the truth is, as you mentioned, you need someone to talk to. I am here to encourage this, I am here to discuss whatever thoughts pass your mind, so that you might better feel comfortable within your own skin."  
  
Harry just nodded, focusing on the baby but not really looking at anyone as he sat down on the couch in the livingroom and arranged pillows around himself so that he could lay the baby boy down comfortably and feed him. Teddy fussed a little, screwing up his mouth and looking away and Harry clenched his jaw, frustrated.   
  
"If Teddy did not have you, where do you think he would be right now?" Severus prompted suddenly.  
  
Harry looked up, startled, "What?"  
  
Teddy looked over at Severus too, his now dark, dark green eyes blinking slowly at Severus.  
  
"Do you think he would be given to a muggle, or wizard foster family? Do you think one of your friends would assume responsibility?"   
  
"I ... don't know ... maybe he would have ended up with someone else. I honestly-" Harry shook his head, his voice going quiet, "I don't know what Remus was thinking when he asked me to do this ..."  
  
That was a different topic altogether, what Lupin was thinking. Severus stepped a little closer, "Do you think yourself capable of loving him, Harry?"  
  
"Of course!" Harry proclaimed, fiercely, "of course I love him! Look at him ..." Teddy was chewing on his own fingers, looking at their pale faces with huge eyes, his hair going as green as Harry's irises. "How could anyone not love him? Love isn't the problem ..." Harry eased Teddy's fist out of his mouth and he babbled at his godfather, "I'm afraid I'll screw him up. I'm afraid I'll either talk about his Dad and Mum too much and make him depressed or not enough and make him into-"  
  
"Stop." In a rare act, Severus had placed his hand on Harry’s back. "If you love him, then he will already be better off then you, or me, or the dark lord. But my point is, you must feel it … even with your soul tearing itself over and over, you must be able to feel it; love for a child that’s not your own. Because if you don’t, then he needs to be given to someone who will, to prevent him from becoming into something you just destroyed."   
  
Harry looked over his shoulder, one hand on Teddy's stomach to make sure he didn't move, "Severus-" Harry said in almost a warning tone. The young man's eyes were a frozen, frosted over emerald green with tiny black pupils in the center, glaring for a long, long moment before he looked back at Teddy, who was starting to cry. "Sorry," he murmured, snapping himself back to reality, swallowing all the anger that came with someone suggesting he might not love his godson enough. "Sorry," Harry repeated, offering Teddy the bottle again with a shaking hand.  
  
Severus had withdrawn, he walked behind the couch, thinking to himself quietly. It was a while before he managed to address Harry again, "I …" he sighed, breathing before he started again, "You love him. There is nothing to screw up. When he is older, and has questions, you will answer them honestly. You will relate to him only the good memories of his parents, and … he’ll be just fine."  
  
As if confirming what Severus said, Teddy put one hand on the side of the bottle and started to eat with a big sigh. The young man's dark hair almost brushed Teddy's face as his head slumped forward in relief, "Why does he only want to eat when you're around?"  
  
"It’s a mystery." Severus sat in an armchair, watching the two from a distance.  
  
Harry brushed Teddy's tuft of lawn-green hair back as he ate and then looked over at Severus, offering a little, sheepish smile. "So, how do you know so much about taking care of a finicky newborn?"  
  
"Oh, because of the mere fact" Severus smirked, "that I took care of such a newborn, for all of one week."  
  
Harry blinked, accidentally moving the bottle out of Teddy's mouth, who SQUAWKED demandingly before Harry replaced it. "When?" _PLEASE tell me it was Malfoy, oh god that'd be HILARIOUS_.  
  
"Let’s see … the second week of your second month."  
  
"What!? You took care of me for a week?" Harry laughed, shocked, "no you didn't."  
  
Severus shrugged casually, "You don’t have to believe me."  
  
"Why? Where was my Mum and Dad?"  
  
"You must understand my position, because in this case, when I say, I do not know where your father was, I do not actually _wish_ to imply that he had somehow abandoned you and your mother. In this case, I do not know, because the less I knew, the better. I showed up because Lily needed my help. Her immunity had dropped suddenly and needed assistance."   
  
Harry's eyebrows went up in sympathy, "Why? What happened to her?"  
  
"Again, not details I know. But she was ill, bed ridden for most of the time I was there."  
  
"Did she go to the hospital?"  
  
"No, of course not. She did not wish to be registered with any Ministry database that would record her bloodline."  
  
"You took care of her, then?" Harry had a flash in his mind's eye for a moment of a woman with bright red hair in a bed with dark circles under her eyes.  
  
"I did what I could."  
  
"Were we all in the same house?" Harry's eyes were hungry for information, anything about that time in his life.  
  
"We?"  
  
Harry looked back down at Teddy who'd finished drinking and was just watching the two men talk. "You and my Mum and I ..."  
  
"Yes. For that time."   
  
Harry nodded slowly and stood with Teddy, trying to burp him before he looked at Severus and just laughed. "Sorry, it all ..." Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, "it's all very surreal. You took care of me like this? Were you as clueless as I am now?"  
  
"The first two days, but then … in order to do what I must, to take care of both you and Lily, I had to get over my anxiety and apprehension."  
  
"Did my dad ever know?"  
  
This was when Severus looked away, he drummed his fingers on the edge of the armchair briefly as he considered his answer, "I do not believe so."  
  
There was a long beat of silence and Harry looked away as well. "I'm sorry- how do I hold him again so he doesn't need burping?"  
  
Severus stood and walked over, "Pick him up so that you support him with one arm, his head will be by your elbow and the palm of your hand … yes, just there, so that it presses against this part of his stomach."  
  
"He's not going to fall like this?" Harry hesitated and Teddy clapped with glee, arms up in the air for Severus as he approached. Harry felt like he were doing another potions assignment all wrong.  
  
"No, let his legs dangle on either side of your wrist, and he will settle."  
  
Harry bit his lower lip, reddening it a little as he scooped his arm under the baby, sitting as he did so at first. Don't want it to be far to fall. "This way? I'm not just going to make him throw up all over me again?"  
  
"Not likely. This is a comfortable position for him, especially for his digestion. Consider, being so small, and being on your back, the whole world is huge, and then you just ate a big meal- that’s rather nauseating, especially when someone keeps bouncing you around and tapping your back. Like this, he can suck on your arm or sleeve, focus on something close, have just the right pressure against his stomach, while you rub his back."  
  
Harry nodded, relaxing a little bit as he rubbed Teddy's back. "Did you ever want to have kids?"  
  
"No, family did not interest me." Which was no small point in why Severus never fooled himself into believing that he and Lily ever had a future outside of a dear friendship.  
  
Harry nodded, petting Teddy like a little cat, to which the baby responded by sticking his butt in the air. "Goof ..." he looked up, "not you ... him."  
  
"I assumed as much."  
  
"Severus?" Harry tested out the man's proper name.  
  
Severus looked down briefly, "Yes?"  
  
"If you wouldn't mind holding him for a little while ... I think I really, for your and his sake, need to take a shower." A shower, Harry's mind fogged over at the thought, "I'm pretty covered in baby ... fluids right now."  
  
Severus nodded, Teddy was flawlessly traded from Harry’s arm to Snape.  
  
Harry stretched with a groan, popping his back. "Want me to get you some tea or something before I make a break for it?"  
  
"No, thank you. Take your time." Severus turned, with the boy in his arms, walking slowly, rubbing his back.  
  
Harry smiled a little, "Thanks" he sighed as he unzipped and peeled his stained hoodie off, revealing a stained t-shirt underneath that was too thin in some spots, especially around the shoulders in the back. The neck of the thin white shirt dipped lower than anything Harry would usually have worn, but all that mattered at the time that he'd grabbed it was that it didn't smell like crap or vomit. "Mind if I toss some laundry in?" He asked, out of habit, having to ask permission for everything at the Dursley's.  
  
"This is your home, Harry, I don’t mind, nor … do I believe, pay the water bill."   
  
"No, you don't-" Harry smiled, bemused, "old habits die hard ... are you sure you're not hungry?" Harry opened a closet and popped the lid of a muggle washing machine open, tossing his hoodie in, then his socks, his black, rough cotton belt, and more that he scooped up off the floor, mostly Teddy's clothes and towels.  
  
"I am capable of attending to myself, Mr Potter, thank you."  
  
Harry smiled through his hair, stuffing all of the baby clothes from around the floor into the washer and adding soap. "Fine, fine, I'm just ... offering, you know. Trying not to be a selfish, Gryffindor upstart." Harry peeled his jeans off slowly, easing them off his hips, revealing worn, red boxers.  
  
Severus sat in the armchair again, only glancing up at Harry a few times, maybe, three or four … no more then five times. _No_. Severus turned and looked out the window instead.  
  
The jeans were stuffed into the washer as well as the white, baby-stained shirt and Harry closed the lid. "I never thought I'd be so happy to get a load of laundry going." He smiled at Severus over his shoulder, realized the man had no interest in looking his way, and just walked into his bedroom, into their bathroom, starting the shower, stripping and stepping in under the running, warm water. _Oh gods that's good_.  
  
"So … when are you going to start talking, hmm?" Severus attempted conversationally.   
  
Teddy, however, just grinned back at Severus, mimicking a deep red blush over Severus's cheeks. "Eeeeee!" he giggled, chewing his own fingers.  
  
Harry felt like he was melting in the shower, remembering a witch in some muggle movie who was killed by water on her and laughed, giddy. He worked suds through his shaggy, dark hair, down his chest, over his shoulders.  
  
"Yes, thank you for that." Severus said to the boy, shaking his head, breathing deep, then sighing so that he refocused himself – since his thoughts had wondered so quickly, too easily.  
  
Five minutes later, something in the closet banged against the wall, hard. Again. It sounded like a giant slamming his fist into the folded doors.  
  
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.  
  
Severus stiffened, drawing up Teddy close to his chest, drawing out his wand, holding the child in such a way that Teddy was always kept at his side, or just behind him, "HARRY?!" He insisted breathless.  
  
BANG. BANG. BANG.  
  
Harry ran out, shoving the bathroom door open, a towel around his hips as he tore through the bedroom and into the livingroom. "It's just the machine!!!!" Harry ripped the doors apart and hit the main button with the heel of his palm and the banging stopped, the unbalanced muggle appliance shut off.   
  
"What was that?" Severus asked, wide eyed, "Was that an animal?"   
  
Harry turned, breathless, gripping the towel at his hip, "No, no-" he smiled, blind without his glasses and soaked to the bone, "no, the machine does that if there's too much in it ... sorry. Teddy's okay?"  
  
Severus looked down, his grip on his wand not easing yet as he looked to Teddy, who remained clinging to Snape’s arm. "Yes … just-" _damn machines_. He looked to Harry, his featured hardened, not amused by the scare.   
  
"Sorry-" Harry swallowed, only seeing the dark shape of Severus by the couch, holding the pale spot of baby. He wound the towel tighter around his hips, "I'll fix it when I'm done in the shower. Really, it happens now and then, nothing strange, I should have warned you."  
  
"Yes. Fine." Severus placed his wand into his jacket pocket, Teddy in his arms, walking with him to calm down.  
  
Harry shuffled over, hair dripping down his back, "Teddy?" he asked the small, pale ball in Snape's arms, "is he scared?"  
  
Pale Severus turned pink again as Harry drew closer, an expression that Teddy mimicked, apparently calmed now that he sensed relief from the man who was holding him, "He’s alright. Sorry to have interrupted your shower."   
  
"It's okay-" Harry leaned in, kissing Teddy's forehead and making the infant gurgle at the warm drops that fell from his godfather's bangs onto his hands and face, "I'm already cleaner than I've felt in ages ... right, Ted-the-human-fountain?" Harry kissed him again and grinned, straightening before he turned and headed back to his running shower, "I'll be out soon, swear."  
  
"This is where your speaking skills come in handy, you see?" Severus addressed the boy in his arms, "You could have told me that it was the machine, since you are apparently used to it. Uncle Severus isn't fond of loud noises, alright?"  
  
Teddy laughed made burbling noises in reply as his godfather's shower ran for another five minutes before stopping. Harry walked out again, wearing a bathrobe from school that gaped open across his chest. "Is he asleep?" the green-eyed boy whispered.  
  
"Not yet." Severus said, holding the boy by the window, "But that doesn't mean you have to stay up."   
  
Harry smiled, kissing Teddy's head again, watching as his hair turned the same deep red as Harry's bathrobe, "I figured I can clean up around here if you don't mind holding him for a while, yeah?"  
  
"If you like, Mr Potter. I assumed you were tired."  
  
"I am, but I can feel the quiet waves of disapproval radiating from you at the state of the livingroom ..." Harry grinned, clearly joking as he started to sort through the massive pile of baby supplies near Teddy's changing table. "You don't watch muggle television, do you?"  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"I have one, just thought I'd let you know-" Harry piled bags of diapers into the front closet, leaving just one bag out as he knelt on the floor, folding clean baby clothes and piling them on the coffee table.  
  
Severus found himself staring at Harry while he worked in his robe, squatting down and … _No_. He looked away again with a sigh. Then down to Teddy, still able to imagine Harry, the moisture on the back of his neck from the shower and … _No_. He swallowed.

"He's already starting to get too big for these," Harry sighed, looking at the baby, "I'll have to go shopping for a little bit tomorrow, I've been out of groceries for days too, you don't need starving." He huffed a wet strand of dark hair out of his face, "and I should get my hair cut ..."  
  
"If it is more practical, tomorrow I shall purchase groceries for the house, instead."   
  
_Of course, he doesn't need me getting everything he wants wrong_. "Whatever makes you happy-" Harry finished folding and took the tiny clothes into his own room, putting them carefully into the top drawer of his chest before he walked back out, dragging a vacuum and fixing Snape with a little smirk. "One word about me being Suzy Homemaker ..."  
  
"Suzy?" Severus raised an eyebrow, he withdrew his wand, silencing the vacuum before Harry even turned it on.  
  
Harry just laughed, "Muggle saying I suppose. Ron got it wrong and called me a Suzy Homewrecker when I was doing dishes the day I moved in-" the boy laughed to himself, plugging the appliance in and starting to run it back and forth over the carpet, leaving clean, pale grey carpet in his wake.  
  
"There is something I would like to talk with you about again, Harry." Severus paused, giving Harry the opportunity to refuse the conversation.   
  
Harry paused, raising an eyebrow as he automatically shut the vacuum off, "Yeah?" He shifted back a little, taking a deep breath, bracing himself. _You're a horrific dunderhead and I can't spend another second around you?_  
  
Severus equally took a deep breath, before he began to address Harry directly, "When you requested to speak with me, you mentioned that you needed someone who wouldn't treat you like a hero because of what you've done, and that I was right for for the job because I already don’t. This comment has actually been sitting uneasy with me, and I would like to discuss it with you. It is true, I will not treat you as a hero … as that would imply that you did what you did because they were noble, courageous and brave acts done for the purpose that others might recognize them, and you for having done them. To be clear, I do not consider you a hero, but I do not want you to think that I do not respect you, because I do. I respect what you have done Harry, you succeeded where I … and many others had failed. You didn't do it for me or anyone else, you did it in order to survive … and I would like to thank you for liberating me from that life."   
  
The vacuum handle slipped out of Harry's hand and the whole apparatus crashed down on Harry's feet. "BLOODYHEL-" he jumped and swore, then doubled over, hissing through his teeth and clutching his angry, red toe.   
  
"That was not directed at you." Severus said to Teddy, who had been relaxed one moment, then worried the next.  
  
Hero or not, Harry was now hopping a little on one foot, trying to blink tears out of his eyes. "Sorry! SORRY! I'll ... be right back, ohdamnit- fuck- SORRYTEDDY!" Harry limped into the kitchen, stuck his foot in the sink and turned the water on, cold, hissing again as the water flayed his already broken skin. "SORRY!" he panted, _oh GODS of all the fucking times to drop a VACUUM on yourself!!! Idiot! He just said ... he ... I can't believe he just said that._   
  
Severus smiled reassuringly to Teddy while Harry was out of the room, "Not mad- just a little off balance, hmm?" He offered the boy his knuckle, which the infant squeezed. Teddy whimpered a little, and sucked at Severus's finger, looking in the direction his godfather had disappeared to.   
  
"Severus?" Harry called, pink-faced.   
  
"Yes?" Severus remained calm, letting Harry care for himself unless asked to otherwise give assistance.   
  
"It's broken ..."  
  
Severus walked into the kitchen with Teddy, approaching Harry from one side as he stood half-contorted, foot in the sink. "Since I have a hand full, can you touch it for me, and tell me if it feels crooked or lumpy?"  
  
Harry's robe had parted around his thigh, and his long, sculpted leg looked snowy against the red of his housecoat. "Look-" Harry just pointed at the bit of his toe that had split open, above that point, the tip of his toe looked like it was trying to escape from the rest of his foot. "I broke it before, in quidditch, must have re-fractured it ... "  
  
"I assume wiggling it is out of the question then …" Severus began to walk away, "Stay there. Don’t walk it off, leave it elevated until I put Teddy down."  
  
"Here, give him to me, I can hold him ..."  
  
The former spy completely ignored Harry, putting Teddy down in his crib, rubbing his tummy before returning to Harry in the kitchen, "That would have hardly been wise, Mr Potter. As you will be needing your hands to lean against me." Severus said as he reached out to support the back of Harry’s ankle with one hand.  
  
Harry tried to see Teddy, listening hard as he reached over, putting his arm around Snape's shoulders, holding onto him.  
  
Severus helped to lower Harry’s leg back down, "Don’t put any pressure on it" the man said, wrapping one arm around Harry’s back, supporting the more athletic man the best he could as they slowly walked back to Harry’s bedroom.  
  
Harry swallowed and leaned on Severus, hopping to his bedroom at first.  
  
Helping to situate Harry on the bed, Severus retrieved several pillows and placed them under Harry’s ankle so that his foot was elevated just slightly above the level of his heart. "Would you like me to summon someone from St. Mungos?"  
  
"No! No," he sighed, "no, I don't want that, it'll be a media circus!"  
  
"Then how would you like to proceed?"   
  
"Can you ... can you just ... set it?"  
  
Severus considered, looking to Harry’s broken toe, "Yes, I suppose. If you are certain."   
  
Harry looked down, trying to sit up, "Okay ... okay, I can handle it ..."  
  
Severus however removed himself from Harry’s bedside and disappeared into the shared bathroom, opening cabinets and drawers for a while before returning with a few supplies in hand. Sitting on the end of the bed, Severus supported Harry’s foot, placing a few cotton balls between Harry’s big toe and the next, "Ready, then?"  
  
Harry nodded, taking a big breath and holding it, "Go ahead ..." he gripped the pillow beside him.  
  
Severus set the toe as quickly as possible before wrapping gauze around it and the second toe to keep them aligned.  
  
Harry cried out sharply, then clamped a hand over his mouth, almost biting his own skin as he tried to take deep breaths. The worst pain receded quickly and Harry opened his eyes again, blinking until he could see Severus at the foot of his bed. "Okay ..."  
  
Severus was sitting with his gaze down, upon Harry’s foot, else his were closed altogether. His skin began to crawl as he went cold, he had made Harry scream, again. It was the worst sound imaginable, because it invoked so many other terrible sights and sounds in memory. "It looks like you’ll be staying in bed for a few days" he said quietly.  
  
Harry shook his head, "I can't stay in bed ..."  
  
"You can, and you must. Would you like to hold Teddy now?" Severus offered as he stood.  
  
"Gods," Harry tried to look out to his crib, "Yes, I bet I scared him ..."  
  
Carefully retrieving Teddy from his crib, he turned him over into Harry’s capable hands, "Let me know when you would like me to put him down again."  
  
Harry took him, laying Teddy on his knees and smiling at him, "Hey ... hey- it's okay, hi! Hi Teddy, it's okay now ..." Teddy sniffled and looked over to Severus. "See? Sev is okay too! Hi Sev!"  
  
Severus attempted to nod, but was still going pale, "Actually … I’ll be right back." He swallowed, then quickly disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
Harry turned his head, watching Severus retreat, "Sev?" He called after him, something unsettled in his mind.  
  
"In a minute." Severus gasped, placing a silencing spell over the bathroom just as he began to be ill.  
  
Harry heard him, eyes widening as he put Teddy on the floor with a fluffy bear toy and crawled with excruciating slowness to the bathroom door, listening.  
  
It was over ten minutes before Severus opened the bathroom door again, the whites of his eyes betraying him, distinctly red around the edges, though he smelled of spearmint, obviously to mask anything foul. "Sor-" he paused when he saw Harry at his feet by the bathroom door, "Yes?"   
  
"Why are you throwing up?" He asked, horrified, "Are you sick? I can get to the car to drive you to Mungo's ..."  
  
"I am fine." Severus pulled Harry up, though actually with some consideration for the young man’s condition, helping him back into bed.  
  
"You're not-" he stopped by Teddy, kneeling and picking him up carefully, "you're not fine, Severus." _When did he become Severus?_  
  
"Regardless. It is not a subject for discussion."   
  
He passed Teddy to Severus, "The hell it's not-" he said softly, meeting Severus's eyes and feeling himself pause at the inky irises, seeing flashes of midnight blue under the lines of coal. Harry crawled to the bed again, lifting himself in.  
  
"Hello … yes, hello." Severus attempted to engage Teddy, letting the boy play with his hand.  
  
Harry rested in the bed, swallowing and catching his breath as he looked up at Severus. He reached over, touching Severus's knee quietly. "What's wrong, please ... what's wrong? Are you dying?" Everyone died, all the time. If Harry cared about them, they died.  
  
Severus sighed tolerantly as Teddy began to suck on his knuckle again, "No … my time to die, came and went, I believe. I’m not sure how I survived, exactly, but I did … we have that in common, don’t you think?"  
  
Harry sat up, glaring a little now, pinning Severus down with a look. "Severus ... we have a lot in common, maybe more than even you know, but you have to tell me what just happened!"  
  
"Harry-" Severus swallowed again, passing Teddy over to his godfather, in whose arms he rightly belonged, for the moment not trusting himself, "It is difficult to explain, but not unlike the struggle you are facing with your own soul."   
  
Harry licked his lips, his hand out, just operating on instinct now, hoping Severus would take it and sit down. "Please ..."  
  
But Severus kept himself at a distance, unable to settle his mind on whose safety it was really for. "I have killed, of course. But that is not the pain I feel now. These days, I feel that which I had no opportunity to feel or express before. Every death I played witness to, every torture I executed, every dark memory I had no intention of retrieving from the dark lord … they haunt me. When I caused you pain just now, it was a trigger for me to experience them at once. There were many times when all I wanted to do was look away, to shut my eyes and cover my ears from the screams … but I couldn't. I did not have that luxury. I watched and experience without empathy. But now- being free comes at a price. I feel many things now and it is … difficult." Severus sighed, "I do not expect you to understand, but that is the answer I can give you."   
  
Harry stayed still, not even blinking for a long moment before he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the man he swore he'd never forgive. _I know ... I know how that feels._  
  
Severus sat still, passive as Harry hugged him, convincing himself he didn't care.  
  
"You should lay down too I think."  
  
Insisting, Severus pulled himself out of Harry’s embrace, "Good night then."  
  
"No ..." Harry murmured, "here. Just lay down here with us, for a while-" he nodded down at Teddy who was exhausted, half asleep between the two men.  
  
"Why?" Severus remained cautious.  
  
Harry couldn't explain, he just couldn't so he shrugged, "It's easier for me to sleep when I'm not alone."  
  
 _This isn't something I do, though._  Severus frowned slightly, torn. "You have Teddy."   
  
Harry smiled, "Not quite a ... um ..." he looked down at Teddy who was asleep, tiny and lavender haired between them, "reassuring presence. Terrifying though he is ... sorry, Ted."  
  
"Harry." Severus closed his eyes with forced patience, "I am going to have to ask that you choose you words more carefully. There is nothing about my presence which is reassuring. I still do not understand why it is you suddenly trust me."  
  
"It's not ... sudden ..." Harry murmured, looking down.  
  
"No?"  
  
"You might want to lay down for this ..." Harry sighed, taking Teddy and laying the baby between them as he moved over in the bed, leaving room for Snape on the other side.  
  
"I see." Severus said as he sat on the bed, his legs out in front of him, his back against the headboard. Briefly it occurred to him that perhaps … _no_ , Severus wiped the thought, Dumbledore promised and would not have betrayed him, by sharing with Harry things without his permission.   
  
Harry waited until Severus had settled before he took a deep breath, "When I ... faced Voldemort, I actually let him kill me."  
  
Severus allowed this thought to play over in his mind, before he determined he needed more information, "Explain."  
  
Harry swallowed, he hadn't talked about that night with anyone. He hadn't wanted to before now, "Do you know what the Deathly Hallows are?"  
  
"Yes. I am aware of their mystique."  
  
"They're real," Harry sighed, looking Severus in the eye, "and for a brief period that night, I wore the stone. I didn't realize what it would do, exactly- but I knew that I was supposed to face him, to die and that was the only way to save everyone because I was a horcrux myself. So I did it, I stood there and let him kill me. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on a bench in King's Cross with my Mum."  
  
"Oh." Severus breathed out softly. So, the Hallows were not only real, but Harry had used one. Not just that, but it had allowed him to see his mother again, to be with Lily. "I am surprised" he said at last, "Didn't you want to stay with her?"   
  
Harry nodded, biting the inside of his cheek hard and having to look away. He'd wanted to stay there more than anything in the world, it was calm and bright, peaceful and his family was there. "Yeah-" he nodded, "but more people would have died, they would have suffered, and like Mum said" Harry smiled, finally able to say those words, "she wasn't going anywhere."  
  
Severus nodded once. That was a really, really nice thought.  
  
"I'll see her again whenever my time comes ... again. I really do have her eyes" he laughed softly.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Anyway," Harry looked down again, "we talked about you."  
  
"Oh." Severus’s tone dulled, and he was quiet, more to his usual standards.  
  
"I didn't know you were friends ... even as kids."  
  
"Yes." Severus tried to keep the memories from flooding his mind, from drowning him.  
  
"So you know ... you know why I trust you is because-" he lowered his voice, "she trusts you. She knows how you ... you've spent your entire life trying to make sure I was safe. Not just safe, but that I didn't get off track, off balance, that I didn't get full of myself."  
  
 _She knows?_ Severus blinked, as if expecting Lily to come in the door, with her hand on her hip, throwing a book at him, yelling with a grin, _of course I know!_

"So really-" Harry looked up, "who else would I trust?"  
  
"Faith, then." Severus reasoned with himself.  
  
"Faith would be believing in you without any reason ... I have a reason."  
  
"You have Lily’s reason, but not your own."  
  
"I know you didn't murder Dumbledore against his will."  
  
Severus was unable to say anything to this. Regardless of whatever Harry knew, or how he learned it, a mercy killing, was still a killing.   
  
"He was dying ... the stone and then the potion he drank ... there was nothing anyone could do!"  
  
"Please stop" Severus requested, "I don’t wish to discuss this."  
  
"Dumbledore left a letter, it explained everything."  
  
Again, Severus was torn. He wanted to know the contents of the letter, Dumbledore’s words which even now held power over him. Severus rubbed his temple, even though he was thirsty for Dumbledore’s words. "You don’t have to tell me."   
  
"I have it."  
  
 _Let it go._ "It occurs to me Harry, that even with Lily’s counsel and the contents of Dumbledore’s letter, you still had a choice. For myself, I do not accept it lightly or for granted that you should trust me, that even with this truth, you would still invite me here. Which is why I still must thank you for the opportunity. It may seem obvious to you, because of everything you have experienced. But it is not to me. It is appreciated."   
  
Harry stared, "You had a choice too. You could have killed me, or taken me to Voldemort at any point in seven years ... "  
  
And yet, Severus was not comforted, _you are the choices you make_. "And so, what now."   
  
"And so-" Harry stroked the sleeping baby's hair, "you can make up your hellish potions lessons by helping me out with Teddy and being a reassuring presence when I really need it."  
  
The man who would never be able to repay his dues, nodded in agreement, "If you are certain, this will be the last time I ask."  
  
"I'm more than certain-" of all the judgment calls Harry Potter had ever had to make, this was one of the easiest ones.  
  
"Then, until you inform me otherwise. I’m staying."  
  
Harry smiled, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses, "Thank you, Severus."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Coming up the walk, no matter the season, Severus wore high collared shirts which covered his neck, even though it was the dead of summer, and the six year old boy whose hand he held was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Severus and Teddy were on their way back from an outing at the park and now that it was mid-day, were returning home for lunch.

Harry looked up from his desk and grinned. He'd been writing all day, but it felt like a solid week of forcing himself to churn out word after word. "Hi!" He stood, walking over quickly and opening the front door.  
  
"Hello" Severus let go of Teddy's hand, allowing the boy to jump into his godfather’s arms, as he slipped past, having been holding a paper bag in his other arm, "How is your writing progressing?"   
  
Teddy JUMPED up, arms around Harry's neck who stood and SPUN him around, "Good ... how was the park?"  
  
Teddy smiled, whispering in Harry's ear as his "everyday hair" turned darker, more like Harry and Severus's hair than the usual caramel color it had been.  
  
Severus left Teddy to tell his godfather about his adventures at the park while he disappeared into the kitchen, and began to put away the groceries he had picked up on the way home, setting out supplies for their lunch.  
  
"Yeah? Wait ... wait ... YOU pushed Severus on the swing!?" Harry carried Teddy in, grinning at Severus around the corner as the boy nodded.

"Really, really high too ..."  
  
Severus smiled a little to himself, pulling out three plates and six slices of bread to start them off.  
  
"How high?" Harry asked and teddy pointed at the ceiling.

"Higher than you are."  
  
"Nooo ..." Harry looked Severus over, "I dunno, he looks pretty hard to push that high, how'd you do it?"  
  
Teddy smiled, running over to Severus and standing behind Severus's legs, peeking around at Harry with green eyes.   
  
Harry tilted his head, "Ted?"  
  
Teddy looked up at Severus, arms around his long, thin legs.  
  
"Will you tell Severus?"  
  
Severus glanced down at Teddy while he made the three of them turkey sandwiches with cheese, "You can tell, it’s ok." Severus encouraged, always supportive of the boy to speak up for himself, not to be shy, even if his stories became a bit more creative then reality.   
  
Teddy shrugged, "I don't know ... it just went high."  
  
"High?" Harry sat down on a kitchen chair, elbows on his knees as he talked with the now dark-haired Teddy, "higher than your hands could reach?"  
  
Teddy looked down at his hands and his hair flushed pink all over, growing longer and hiding his face.  
  
"It's okay," Harry smiled, "you don't have to be embarrassed ..." He looked up at Severus, confused,  _why does this embarrass him?_  
  
Teddy walked over to Harry slowly, letting go of Severus's pant leg as his hair darkened again, shortening to it's usual length.   
  
Severus abandoned their sandwiches and knelt down to one knee just behind Teddy, reaching around and pushing his hair off his face gently with his hand just as it turned back to black, "You can say, can’t you? You were surprised, hmm? You wanted for uncle Severus to go high, and he did, didn’t he? And that was ok, right?"  
  
"But ... I didn't use my hands."  
  
Harry blinked, looking at Severus. "You made Sev go high without your hands?"  
  
Teddy nodded and Harry shifted forward, smiling, "Ted, do you mean you just thought about it and he was pushed all by himself?"  
  
Ted looked at Severus, nodding.  
  
Harry just smiled, proud, "That's good, Teddy ... I think you just had a bit of magic come out of you, that's all!"  
  
"Yes, and we talked about it, didn’t we? We said that was ok." Severus gently rubbed at Teddy’s back, who so easily shifted between being uncertain and bold.  
  
Teddy looked up at Harry, "Sorry."  
  
Harry looked puzzled, "Ted, why are you sorry?"  
  
"Because ... you can't do magic, I'm sorry."

There was a tense moment's silence in the kitchen.  
  
"Ted, that doesn't matter ..." Harry hadn't touched his wand since Teddy had been a baby. Harry sighed and leaned closer, hugging Teddy very gently. "I'm proud of you, alright? You did good."  
  
"Wash your hands Teddy, your lunch is almost ready." Severus said, siding each plate with carrots and corn chips.   
  
Teddy nodded and whisked himself away to the bathroom, still afraid he'd hurt his godfather's feelings.  
  
Harry sighed, "That's pretty good for a six year old, amazing, really ... levitation."  
  
"I wouldn’t call it levitation. I was still on the swing. It was closer to non-verbal magic, really. He willed me to swing high, and the swing obeyed." Severus said as he placed the three plates on the table.  
  
Harry stood, going to the fridge to get juice and milk to set on the table, followed by three glasses, "There was hardly any room for doubt, I mean ... both Remus and Tonks were really talented ..."  
  
Severus frowned, "What do you mean, doubt?"  
  
"That he'd be going to Hogwarts, no one is ever really set down from birth, sometimes it skips a generation." Harry slipped just past Severus to pull cutlery out of a drawer for them all.  
  
"He’s been changing his features since the first day I saw him."  
  
Harry shrugged, "But that's more of a ... a bodily genetic thing, I just didn't want to assume anything in case."  
  
"Harry." Severus said after a beat, "Where you somehow- hoping he wasn't? Because …? Because, you don’t want him to go through what you did? He’s a new generation, things change."   
  
Harry set a knife down on the table, looking up, their eyes locking.  
  
"All clean," Teddy walked back into the kitchen, a good deal more relaxed now as he opened the fridge and had to rummage in the very back of its shelves to pull out a bottle of ketchup.  
  
"Good!" Harry turned, smiling as he patted Teddy's hair and put the ketchup on the table, "go see if Sev needs help."  
  
Teddy ran over to Severus's side, "Sev?"  
  
"No, here you are." Severus pulled the chair out for Teddy, "This one’s yours."  
  
"I bet I can magic the plate over!" He climbed up on the chair, proud.  
  
"I’m sure you could, but not today, alright? Just lunch time." Severus pushed the plate over, "because you didn't have a very big breakfast."  
  
Teddy sighed, kneeling on his chair as he took a sandwich neatly, arranging it just so on his plate before he took the ketchup and made neat lines with it beside the sandwich, "I know, I know ... but I was full."  
  
Harry took a sandwich for himself, salting it lightly before he poured Teddy a glass of milk, "Full of what?"  
  
Severus ate the half of his sandwich slowly, watching Teddy, watching Harry and Teddy, watching Harry … a weak smile crossed his face for no apparent reason.  
  
Teddy chewed his sandwich and swallowed first before answering, "I ate in my dreams."  
  
Harry looked over at Severus, who smiled a lot more these days than he used to. _Severus Snape finally meets a child he likes, film at eleven._  
  
Severus let his eyes fall away from the sight of Harry, the amusement lingered. He then carried on, "Yes, and you had cookies, didn't you?"  
  
"In my dream?" The boy admitted with a little smile, "with birds. Birds and I were eating cookies in a forest."  
  
"Mmhmm … well, next time make sure those birds help you get the crumbs off the floor."   
  
Harry had to bite a large portion of sandwich to stop from laughing outright.

Teddy stared at Severus, flushing pink again, "But ... but ..."

Harry chewed and swallowed, "Don't even try, trust me, he always figures it out." Harry winked, looking to Severus.  
  
"Keep eating your lunch Teddy, it’s alright, you’re not in trouble." Severus said, not breaking from his mellow pace.  
  
Teddy blushed again, the ends of his hair curling a little on one side as he ate quietly, almost mimicking Severus's manners today. He always sat up straight, just like 'Uncle Sev' and frequently the boy took to resembling Severus more than Harry without even trying. Harry smiled at him, observing all this.  
  
"Harry-" Severus habitually smoothed the crease in his pants under the table, along his right leg with his thumb and wrist. He did this, or something near to it, small and obsessive when he really didn't want to open his mouth at all, "Do you mind if I use your bedroom a few hours after lunch. Someone has taken to playing dress up with my bedsheets in my room, among other things." This however was said with a little smile, again, clearly not upset.  
  
Harry nodded, the corner of his mouth twitching, "Oh ... that, meant to tell you, that was me." Harry looked at Severus and Teddy giggled behind his sandwich, swinging his feet a little.  
  
"Yes. Of course." Severus said in dry amusement, drinking from his glass of water.  
  
"I like putting on my tallest boots and making dresses with them." Harry sipped his glass of juice with a straight face.  
  
"Really? Intend on competing in a pageant?" Severus said, looking to Harry, working out the difference between his sense of humor, and what perverse things he might actually be doing.  
  
Harry smiled and fluffed his own hair, "I intend on winning. I'm working on my speech."  
  
"Do tell."  
  
"Well-" Harry flipped his hair with a grin to Teddy's delight, "I have my walk down and I think I'm going to twirl a baton for my talent, right Teddy? Teddy's my coach."  
  
Teddy ERUPTED into laughter and hid under the table.  
  
Severus smiled a little at Harry, but placed a single hand on the top of the table, then bowed to one side, looking under it, "Teddy?" he asked gently.  
  
Teddy just LAUGHED, trying to hide in the tablecloth, "Nooooo! No! He's lying!"  
  
Harry smirked, looking under the table, "What!? But Teddy, what about the big finale!? What about my song!?" He crawled under the table and came out with Teddy over his shoulder, bouncing him as he sang, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE SHE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MISS EAST SIDE LOOOONNNDONNNNNNNNNNNN!"  
  
Severus however watched Teddy’s continued response of shyness, "It’s just for pretend, it’s alright Teddy." He wondered if it was frightful for the boy, unable to distinguish the difference between lies and pretend.   
  
Teddy held his arms out for Severus, still laughing but blushing deeply, "Help ..." he panted, "Harry's crazy ..."  
  
Harry laughed and handed Teddy to Severus, sitting him in his lap. The boy turned and hid his face in Severus's shirt.  
  
Severus wrapped an arm around Teddy, supportive of the boy’s back which curled in as he hid. Severus let his hand rest on Teddy’s shoulder, rubbing gently, "Just for pretend, he's just being silly. You can tell Harry he’s silly, alright? Not crazy."   
  
Teddy looked up at Harry, over Severus's shoulder, "Silly ..." he murmured.

Harry ruffled Teddy's hair. "S'ok, I didn't take it personally or anything." Harry paused and did the same to Severus's hair, "I need a shower now, back out in a bit."  
  
"Alright." Severus frowned slightly, not sure what Harry was all about. Reaching up he combed his fingers through his hair and brushed it back, untangling it. "Did you have enough lunch?" Severus attempted to engage the boy.  
  
"Mmhmm." Teddy nodded, looking up at Severus with wide, dark eyes, one of them a little greener than the other. "I'm not supposed to call Harry that, am I?"  
  
"No, calling someone crazy isn't a nice thing to say … silly is much better, when you think he’s being strange."  
  
Teddy watched his own hands for a little while before whispering, "Is Harry crazy?"  
  
Severus paused, "No, Teddy. Why do you think that?"  
  
Teddy looked down again, almost a carbon copy of a baby Severus. "He makes ... noises when he sleeps."  
  
"I know. But sometimes I do too, did you know that? Does that scare you?"  
  
Teddy nodded quietly, licking his lips, "Sometimes Harry scares me ..." he confessed.  
  
"Can you tell me why?"  
  
Teddy took a deep breath, "I was playing in the mirror with my face and I made the lightening bolt on my forehead like Harry's," he looked up, going pale. "I went to show him and he grabbed my shoulders and went all ... funny."  
  
"Do you know why, Teddy? Did Harry tell you why?"   
  
"No. No, he just ... he told me to make it go away. He said that over and over and over again, he couldn't stop saying that and I did, I did as fast as I could and then he just squeezed me really, really tight and went to his room."  
  
"Then I want to tell you why, Teddy. Because you don’t need to be scared of your godfather. He loves you very much. But his scar- it is something terrible for him, and he does not want something that terrible, for you."  
  
"What happened to him?" Teddy whispered, still fidgeting with his fingers.  
  
"Some very bad things, Teddy. Some scary things that happened to both of us. Do you know, that uncle Severus has some scars too? It makes me very upset to see them, and it would make me very sad to see you copy them."  
  
Teddy nodded, looking down, petting Severus's robes over his shoulder, smoothing them nervously. "He tries to talk to you in his sleep."  
  
Severus smiled reassuringly to the boy who was molding himself into quite the observer, quite the spy, "What do you mean? How do you know it’s me he's talking to?"  
  
Teddy looked over Severus's shoulder, making sure Harry's bedroom door was still shut, "He says 'Sev' a lot."  
  
"What do you think he’s trying to tell me?"  
  
Teddy seemed to screw up his face a little, "Sev, are you leaving!?" The anxiety burst out of the boy.  
  
Severus rubbed at Teddy’s back again, supportive of his skill, his massive empathy, where he did not just mimic a face or gesture, but the emotion behind it, "Shh, shh … it’s alright." he attempted to calm, "Shh … can I have a hug, Teddy?"  
  
Teddy hugged him tightly, "Are you? Why are you leaving?"  
  
"I’m not leaving Teddy." Severus held the boy securely.  
  
"Harry asks you not to leave in his sleep. He says he can't help it and wants you not to leave, he sounds scared."  
  
Severus nodded, "I’m not leaving, I promised him. Now, do I break my promises?"   
  
"Never." He shook his head gravely. "Never never."  
  
"Then, at least you know I’m not leaving, alright? Is that alright? You’re old enough for me to ask now. Do you like me living with you and Harry?"  
  
"Yes!" Teddy exclaimed, so earnestly that he was afraid to look away from Severus.  
  
Again, Severus smiled a little, "Thank you, I enjoy being here too."   
  
"Why does Harry think you're leaving us?"  
  
"I don’t know. I think sometimes, due to all the bad things that have happened make him think that more bad things are going to happen. That he will be alone, and not be a good godfather, no matter how hard he tries."  
  
Teddy shook his head, about to say something, checking the door again, "Just so you know, I don't want you to go ... and Harry says that he loves you."  
  
"Thank you Teddy, can I have another hug?"  
  
Teddy nodded and hugged his favorite uncle tightly. "I love you too" he said ... almost casually.  
  
Severus nodded once, holding Teddy close, hugging him before he stood with the boy still in his arms, walking towards Teddy’s room, "Now, when Harry gets out, I’m going to go lay down in his room for a little bit, ok? Are you going to continue to draw the picture book for me?"   
  
Teddy lit up, pleased to be given a task from Severus, "Yes!"  
  
"Good." Severus put the boy down again on his messy bed, "I’ll look forward to it then, alright?" he then considered the boy, the little man, "Harry might go back into his office and do more writing, but you can interrupt him if you go in and give him a hug too, tell him you love him too. He would like that."  
  
"Okay!" he paused, "Mmm, do you want me to say anything from you, maybe?"  
  
"No." Severus smirked, "But thank you."  
  
"Hmmm." Teddy smirked back, identically, and set about making his bed. "Alright ..."  
  
Severus turned for the door, letting Teddy play as he wished while he went to the kitchen to clean up from lunch.   
  
Harry's shower finally shut off and the young man could be heard rummaging around in his room, probably searching for clean clothes.  
  
Once the kitchen was clean, and the shade closed so that the afternoon light was not as intense in the room, Severus sat in one of the chairs, thumbing the edge of the table while he waited.   
  
Harry walked out, still toweling his messy hair off as he stretched, stopping short, "Did I miss something?"  
  
"Yes, the world came to a marvelous end while you were in the shower." Severus smirked, then stood, "Feel clean?"  
  
Harry smiled from under the towel and sighed, "My hair was starting to feel like glue, where's Ted?"  
  
"In his room, making me a picture book."  
  
"Oooooh," Harry beamed as he retrieved juice from the fridge and poured a glass for himself, "I bet he's in his little hyper-organized heaven, he really LOVES making those for you, you know. He sets up a little factory in there."  
  
"He does." Severus said with a fond little smile, watching Harry, letting the silence linger for a time before he stepped a little closer.   
  
Harry bumped the fridge shut with his hip before he hopped up on the counter with his juice, tilting his head back as he drank.  
  
"Harry?" Severus prompted, still attempting to work out what he wanted to say exactly.  
  
"Hmm?" Harry hummed, draining the glass and looking at Severus again as he licked the pineapple juice off of his lips and hopped down.  
  
"Some days, are just bad days." Severus kissed the side of Harry’s face, his hand going up and wrapping around the back of Harry’s neck as he made the young man (he would always be the young man in comparison) look at him, "I don’t know when you stopped coming to me, but I am not here to take up space, I am here for you, Harry."   
  
Harry blinked at the kiss, feeling his face heat as his own lips parted suddenly.  _I'm dreaming again-_  was his first thought before he hesitantly put his arms around Severus's shoulders, "Is ... everything okay?" The green eyed man's voice sounded suddenly dry.  
  
"Actually. That’s my question for  _you_ , Harry."   
  
Harry had to close his eyes for an instant and he reminded himself to breathe. "Everything is ... good ..."  
  
"It’s not. You’re hiding it, not just from me, but yourself."  
  
Harry licked his own lips again and hugged Severus tighter, keeping his voice low. Snape's arms were much less spindly than they had been during the war, they felt stronger and his body warmer, even more reassuringly solid than before. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"I’m not leaving, Harry." Severus held him dearly, "You don’t have to be afraid. I am not scared of you or the support you are asking for, when you need it most."

Harry froze, opening his eyes, "What do you mean ... ?"  
  
"If you don’t understand me, then I am wrong, and I’m sorry for the misunderstanding."   
  
Harry pulled back, just enough to look into Severus's face, "Why do you think I think you're ... you're leaving ..." his voice softened, "are you leaving?"  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
"What gave you the idea that ... that I thought ... was afraid of you leaving?"  
  
"Firstly, because you still hesitate to get close to me. Everything you have ever enjoyed has died or been taken from you. Secondly, your dreams give your fears away."  
  
Harry froze, going cold in Severus's tight arms, "What?"  
  
"Which would you like me to explain?"  
  
"Dreams ... h ... what do you know of my dreams?"  
  
"I know you call out my name … I know you ask me not to leave."  
  
Harry went stiff, his eyes widening, "No I don't ..." all the color left his young cheeks.  
  
 _If he won’t admit it, then there is nothing else to say_ , "I’m sorry then, I am mistaken."  
  
Harry swallowed, his head spinning, "You've heard me?"  
  
"Teddy has."  
  
Harry's jaw dropped, "Ohgods ... " he leaned back against the counter, his mind racing. "I didn't say anything ... too ..." his pale face flushed crimson again, "umm ..."  
  
"Colorful? Even if so, I doubt he understood."  
  
Harry looked down, hand over his face, "Merlin, I hope not-" If Teddy had heard anything about certain dreams Harry'd been tormented with about his house-mate the child would need some sort of counselling.  
  
Severus held Harry still, "But the question remains. Why don’t you ever come to me?"  
  
"I don't think you ... understand ... " he looked up again, very careful at this point not to stand too close, not to let certain long-neglected parts of his anatomy brush against the surely warm, smooth line of Snape's thigh. "the sort of dreams I've been having."  
  
"You’re right. I do not understand."  
  
"And-" he cut Severus off in case he was going to go on, "I don't think you want to know ..."  
  
"That is your choice, Harry, what to share with me and what not to. The truth is, I could violate your mind and your trust to find these things out, but I had hoped, over the course of these six years, you would have come to me on your own accord, in your own time, when you were ready. So, I’ll continue to wait, Harry. But I do want to make one point clear. I’m not leaving."   
  
Harry let their eyes meet for a moment, ashamed of the way his cock stirred at the way Severus said violate. His mouth had gone completely dry and he could hear his quickening, steady heartbeat in his own ears. Years of living with the man, day in and day out had done what would surely seem impossible to anyone who'd only known Harry and Severus during Harry's years at school. Severus was wonderful, and Harry knew it. Harry had been deeply, completely aware of just how hypnotic Severus's voice was, even in every day speech, the way his hands looked when he was drinking tea, the surprising, dark line of eyelashes that softened the penetrating blackness of Snape's eyes.  
  
Severus let his hand linger, pulling it back slowly across the side of Harry’s face, "I’m not leaving" he repeated, "but I am going to lay down."  
  
"Going to lay down ... " Harry repeated dumbly, the way he had done so many times around his potions master while he was an inept, confused boy.  
  
Severus sighed and quietly pulled himself away from Harry, disappearing into Harry’s bedroom and closed the door behind him with a soft click.  
  
 _My bedroom. He's going to lay down in my bedroom ..._    
  
Harry had to take a few deep, deep breaths, trying to make the room even out before his feet took him to his bedroom door. His fingers swept over the round knob, curling for a moment while he summoned his courage and opened the door, stepping in, keeping his voice low, "I ... I ... would like to ... talk ..."  
  
But Harry had walked in just as Severus stripped off his sweater, leaving his long sleeved shirt on underneath, but his neck exposed. This was a rare point, as Severus was in the habit of taking showers behind locked doors, changing in the bathroom, and coming out clean and dressed. Nakedness was not something he did, even though on the afternoons that Harry was out with Ted, Severus would do just this. Undress, and lay in Harry’s bed, wrapped in his blankets and his smell. "Please close the door" he said, unable to do anything about the fact that what he had kept hidden (one of many things) was now exposed for the first time. Two distinctive scars remained upon Severus’s neck, one which ran just below the back of his jaw, down beyond the midlines of his neck, while the other was more of a tear line, just above his collar bone, stretching up, just below his left ear. The scars would never fade.   
  
The door closed softly and Harry strode over to Severus, staring at his neck, at the lines of it. It seemed so completely vulnerable, long and thin and white as Harry ghosted his own comparatively pink fingers over the side, in a sort of trance, "I think-" he said, husky voiced, "I think Teddy should go to play with Victoire ..."  
  
Severus nodded, eyes adverted for Harry to have caught him and his shame.  
  
Harry couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth, "There's something I've been afraid ... I'd ... scare you off ..."  
  
"As I already said. I am not leaving."  
  
Harry turned Severus's face with his hand, breathing deeply, trying to master it, trying to divorce his emotions enough to make this just ... words, no touching, no risk of doing something that would frighten the child in the next room. "Even if I disgusted you? If I told you that I'm ... thinking of ... things I shouldn't think about my housemate and ... friend ... "  
  
Severus shook his head, looking slightly bewildered, "You don’t disgust me" the phrase had flashed Severus back to a time when Dumbledore had called him disgusting and knew in comparison, there was nothing about Harry to warrant the use of such language.  
  
The ebony circle in Harry's deep green eyes widened with pleasure and he stepped closer, fingers curling in his own sleeves so that he didn't do anything stupid. "Severus," he breathed out, "I've ... I've found myself thinking about ... you ...."  
  
"And you don’t want to?"  
  
"You've never ... I ... some people, some men-" his eyes met Severus's again on the word, "would find those thoughts ... threatening."  
  
"I don’t feel like you’re threatening me." Severus maintained simple responses, making sure Harry was getting back direct answers to his concerns.   
  
"Even if-" Harry was equally careful, knowing from experience how quickly things could go very, very wrong with Severus, even if it was almost a decade ago, "even if I ... told you that I ... I ... prefer ... men?" Harry's hands went to his own back pockets, sliding in, somewhere safe, somewhere he wouldn't brush against Severus.  
  
"Though it surprises me to hear you say that, Harry, I am not threatened by it. It is not something I consider to be disgusting."   
  
"It surprises you?" He swallowed, eyes downcast,  _breathe in 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4, in, 2, 3, 4 ..._  
  
"Yes. I was under the impression that you and Miss Chang, proceeded by Miss Weasley were close."  
  
"Neither ... were ... um ... consummated or ... lasting ... attempts" he had to struggle to get every word out.  
  
"Then … ordinarily I would say that I am flattered Harry, but I am the only man you've allowed in your life, I have no doubt that is the reason for your misguided attractions, you have severely limited your own choices."   
  
Harry's eyes flashed up, "Don't say that-" he shook his head, taking a step closer, "this isn't some flighty attraction, Severus."  
  
"I’m as old as your father." Severus reminded coldly.  
  
"I don't have a father-"  
  
"Harry-" Severus scolded, but unable to say anything else to argue the point.  
  
"And I don't care." Harry said firmly, his voice shaking, "I know you, I know you better than I think anyone else alive knows you and I have a very, very good set of reasons for being-" Harry stopped himself, turning away, having to open a window and take in lung fulls of fresh air. "Severus," he whispered, "please, let's make sure Teddy is at a play date."  
  
"Very well." Severus pulled his sweater from off the floor, sliding it back on his body before leaving the room to retrieve Teddy.  
  
Harry turned, too late, Severus was already gone and he knew better than to trust himself to run after him. Teddy had already heard too much for a child to hear let alone to see his godfather in a maddening, albeit clothed state of complete arousal.

 

*            *            *

 

The house was much more quiet when Severus returned from taking Teddy to a friend’s house, where he had explained to the boy that he could spend the afternoon with his friend and maybe even have dinner, after which Severus would return to pick him up. It had not ended without a certain amount of insecurity on Teddy’s part, who though enjoyed play dates, did not enjoy the separation from being away from either Uncle Severus or Harry.  
  
Harry was still in the same spot Severus had left him in, looking out the bedroom window, making himself breathe regularly. He heard the door open and close and Severus's unmistakable footsteps towards him. "You're sure I don't disgust you?" Harry asked softly, a little insecure himself.  
  
"I would consider it a sign of trust if I did not have to repeat myself too often. But you do not disgust me Harry." Severus entered the room, standing several feet behind Harry, looking at the back of his head.   
  
"I've been afraid to be alone with you-" he swallowed, arms folded tight over his chest as though he were trying to hold his heart back. "Afraid of what I might do or say and I just want to stop being afraid."  
  
Severus nodded, his hand reaching up and pressed against the base of Harry’s neck, "I have wanted that for you, for some time."  
  
Harry's breath escaped from his lips and his neck sagged back, his head tilting with his green eyes closed as Harry's strong arms uncrossed and he turned, hands coming to rest on Severus's chest. It took all of the hero's courage to lift his lids and look Severus in the eye like that, "You're ... you amaze me more every day I live with you: the way you are with Teddy, the way you sound, the way you move through the house, the way you've found peace after everything that's occurred, I never thought you'd be the most patient person I know, but you are! I don't know if it was the war, or that I was too young, but I want to kick myself for not seeing this, not seeing YOU from day one. This isn't just me wanting to bed you, Severus ..."  
  
The light lines in Severus’s face crinkled, deeper as his face changed, as he smiled softly, keeping Harry’s gaze. "That … that was lovely, Harry."  
  
Harry's hand came up against the side of Severus's face as he looked into the former spy's expression, "I want to be happy ... with you, I want to be the thing that makes you happy, I want to be the one you love ... I want to be the one who gets to kiss you and get that look from you, that knowing, warm, secretive look you have when you walk into a room. I want to be the man who gets you, even if no one else does, ever. I want you to walk into a room and be happy that I'm there, I want you to want to kiss me back, Severus. I think I need to be that to you, and just to you."  
  
Finally, the years of sanctions against Harry were suddenly lifted. All the years of looking, followed by  _No_ , were no more. Severus offered his lips to Harry, kissing him slowly, testing to see if the young man really wanted it, or if what he had built up in his head was drastically different from reality.   
  
Harry cupped both hands behind Severus's head, fingers vining into his thick hair and very, very slowly, closed his eyes and kissed Severus Snape.


	4. Chapter 4

"Teddy?" Severus served the boy his breakfast, one pancake, one sausage link and one egg; though tripled that for Harry.

Harry smiled shyly as Severus dished his plate up, but watched Teddy as the small boy who was still blinking his eyes open. "Ymm?" He rubbed his face, looking up at Severus.  
  
Severus placed his hand on the boy’s back, rubbing it gently before he then served himself, sitting finally, "I want to ask you something grown up, are you awake enough for me to ask?"   
  
Teddy seemed to wake up a little more, sitting straighter, looking very grown up for being in pajamas covered in moving pictures of trucks. "Yes ..." he looked from Severus to Harry, a little worried, "what's happening?"  
  
"Nothing yet, that’s what I want to ask you. Teddy, would it be alright with you if Uncle Severus slept in the same room with Harry, instead of his own room? Or, would you not like that?" Severus would never assume, especially since so many things often upset the young boy.  
  
Teddy looked from Harry to Severus and back again, "You mean like a couple?"  
  
Harry actually spat out a few bites of eggs, coughing and dogging.  
  
"Well, we’ll see." Severus smiled a little, "Would that bother you?"   
  
Harry swallowed, "I'm fine ..." he gasped. "Teddy, where did you ... it would be okay if we were like a couple?"  
  
Teddy looked at his adopted fathers over his glass of milk and for a moment, looked much older than a boy of six, both smug and deeply amused. "Well it was a little obvious ... wasn't it?"  
  
"Obvious?" It was Severus’s turn to sit up a little straighter now, he hadn't been obvious in … many years.  
  
Harry choked again, on nothing at all, taking a LONG drink of water.  
  
Teddy shrugged, "Harry says he loves you in his sleep!"  
  
Harry started laughing. "And why did you think Sev loved me back?"  
  
Teddy looked very grave, like his father when he was making a point to Harry about patronuses or being careful with the map, "He treats you like Bill treats Fleur, don't you Sev?"  
  
"Do I?" Severus smirked, wondering when the boy had become so aware of others.  
  
Teddy nodded, very seriously, "Last month when he was sick you got rained on in the middle of the night to bring him soup!"  
  
Harry BLUSHED brilliantly across his cheeks and nose, hands over his face for a moment.  
  
"Ah, that’s my Teddy, ever the night owl." Severus smiled, "Can’t get anything past you." His tone was playful, though he returned to the point of the conversation, "Still, Teddy I want to know how you feel about it." He was asking permission from a six year old, "Is it alright with you if I sleep in Harry’s room?"  
  
"Yes!" Teddy nodded with a big smile, "Are you getting married!?"  
  
Harry laughed again, sort of .... giddy and delighted and embarrassed all at once.  
  
Severus observed Harry’s behavior, and though smiled softly, made no comment to Teddy’s suggestion, "Thank you for answering my question Teddy, if ever you decide you don’t like it, you tell one of us, alright? We don’t want you to be upset. Now finish your eggs."  
  
Harry uncovered his face, still beaming and Teddy smiled back at him, then at Severus as he took another bite of his eggs and thought for a long moment in the preternatural way he had. "I think it'll be nice for you both."  
  
Severus just shook his head, supremely amused, "Thank you for your approval, Teddy."   
  
"You're welcome," he said evenly, equally amused at his uncle. "So have you gone on a date yet?"  
  
"Not yet," Harry murmured, unable to return to a normal skin color by now.  
  
"You should," Teddy nodded, "Fleur says that's what you do with someone you like, you take them out on a date."  
  
"You've talked with Fleur about these sort of things?"  
  
"Victoire is too young to talk about them," Teddy nodded.  
  
Harry blinked, "Did Fleur tell you that Sev and I might be in love?"  
  
Teddy scoffed gently, "No, I just live here ... hard to miss."  
  
Severus was in awe, wondering just where the boy had gotten his notions of love, his standards of what was acceptable, and what was expected. These were not things he taught the boy, so he blamed Harry.  
  
Harry took his own plate to the sink, still smiling widely. "Well, what if we all went out together somewhere?"  
  
"I'm not interested in you that way." Teddy replied, dead-pan into his eggs.  
  
"Good, you tell them upfront, be honest." Severus smirked, still slowly eating his own breakfast.  
  
Harry was dousing his face with cold water, shaking his head and laughing to himself.  
  
Teddy smiled up at Severus, almost secretly and took a sip from his milk. "I'm done, can I go do more drawing? I'm working on a book."  
  
"Yes, you may be excused. When do you think I’ll be able to see this book of yours?"  
  
"When it's finished!" Teddy took his plate to the sink and put it in, Harry stroked his now dark hair affectionately and Teddy paused, allowing it like a cat for a moment before he strode off to his room, winking at Severus as he closed his door.

Harry turned, having laughed until his eyes teared, "Gods," he whispered, "we've created a monster."  
  
Severus ate another piece of the pancake which he had cut, "So it seems" he smiled a little, up at Harry.  
  
"I of course mean that in the best possible way. He's going to grow up and become minister-" Harry walked over, leaning against the table next to Severus, stroking a strand of his dark, heavy hair.  
  
"He can do as he likes." Severus however did not impose any perceptions of what Ted would or could one day be. "As for you." Severus ate another piece of pancake, "Making arrangements to take me out on a date would be a mistake."   
  
"I had the feeling it might be a useless endeavor," Harry smiled fondly, "what with your hatred of being in public and all."  
  
"There is that, of course. But it serves no function, that I am aware of."  
  
Harry nodded, sinking himself down onto Severus's knees, arm around his neck, "It's not as though we need somewhere to mislead each other about our real personalities and then sit through a movie wondering if we should hold hands or not."  
  
Severus put down his fork, staring at Harry again, this was usually the point where he told himself _no_ , and looked away. "Though … what are your expectations?" his hand brushed up Harry’s back, then back down again, resting just over his hip.  
  
Harry smiled again, luminously, "I don't know if I have any, I don't know if I should have any, I ..." he considered, "I can't imagine not wanting to have this with you."  
  
"Hmm" Severus sighed, eyes closing as he leaned forward, and kissed Harry’s clothed shoulder. He didn't know why he did it, as it wasn't a particularly romantic gesture, but he wanted to, and Severus was still training himself to listen to his good impulses.   
  
"You? Expectations? Ground Rules? I wouldn't mind seeing you in your referee robes again-" Harry giggled, remembering how miserable Snape looked in the striped robes in his first year quidditch match.  
  
"I expect you to be honest. To know your own limits, good and bad alike. I expect, that you no longer conceal from me when you are having bad days."  
  
"I won't-" Harry nodded, kissing Severus's cheek in apology, "but as it happens, I feel fine today."  
  
"Good." Severus’s eyes fell, nearly closed, looking down at Harry’s chest. If he could admit it to himself, he might confess that he was happy.  
  
Harry kissed Severus's forehead, still savoring the chance to do so, to indulge in touches like this. "Teddy took it really well."  
  
"He has. For now, though we will see what time and the influence of his friends will do to change him. He might not always be so accepting. Of us, or his own differences. We shall see."   
  
Severus was silenced with a kiss to his lips, quiet at first, slow, as Harry tasted his mouth tentatively again. Last night they'd laid in bed, most of their clothes stripped off, but they'd just kissed. Anything else would be too overwhelming for either of them.  
  
"Mm-" Severus had gasped softly, and let Harry kiss him before realizing that it wasn't a quick one, secret and hidden, he kissed back, his hand flexing against Harry’s side.  
  
Harry's head tilted and he shifted forward, both arms around Severus now, his hand smoothing the fabric over the small of Severus's back, remembering with a shiver how perfect his skin was in that particular spot.  
  
Severus broke the kiss with a sigh, kissing Harry’s neck briefly before just holding him on his lap, his arm going up and around the young man’s back, breathing slowly, even though it felt like a hundred times faster then it really was, a perception that was almost nauseating for the former spy. He felt his world become hypersensitive, even in slow motion.   
  
"Sev ..." Harry murmured, turning his head and brushing his lips against Severus's neck, slowly.  
  
Severus swallowed, turning his head again, "Not there" he said in response, not even wanting any attention drawn to his neck from under his shirt.   
  
Harry paused, breathing against Severus's ear and nodded, kissing the spot just behind Severus's ear instead, "This is okay?"  
  
"Yes." Severus whispered with a little nod, his fingers pressing in a little more insistently against Harry’s back, keeping him close and for himself.  
  
"Mmmm-" Harry took his glasses off, setting them back on the table with one hand as he nuzzled the sensitive skin there, kissing the delicate shell of Severus's ear, his temple, down his jaw, "and this?"  
  
"Yes." Severus said again, allowing himself to peek through small slits of his closed eyelids in order to see Harry. His hand moved from his side, down his hip and thigh as he swallowed, allowing Harry this.   
  
Harry's muscles responded immediately to Severus's hands, warming and contracting beautifully even under the cover of his jeans. "I love your hands ..." he murmured, now lavishing Severus's other ear with his soft, warm lips.  
  
"You've thought about them, haven’t you?"  
  
The young man's voice stretched over a rumbling, wordless moan in the affirmative as he pushed Severus's black curtain of heavy hair back and kissed the bit of his neck just above his collar, thighs tensing.  
  
Severus rubbed the palm of his hand down, then up again, over the outside of Harry’s thigh, "You were often distracted in class, weren't you? Looking at my hands, what were you thinking? Tell me."   
  
"All the time-" Harry confessed readily, "the way you dragged your fingers over quills, the necks of bottles ..."  
  
"Why so enthralled?" Severus gave Harry a solid, slow squeeze of his thigh.  
  
A soft gasp in Severus's ear and Harry's thighs squeezed his hips in return, "Your voice made me think of things I wanted those hands to do."  
  
"Tell me." It was becoming less of a question and more of a command.  
  
"I had dreams ... every night after a class of your hands around my ..." Harry groaned softly, his own hands starting to bunch the soft fabric of the back of Severus's dark robes.  
  
"Around your … neck?" Severus smirked  
  
Harry shook his head, "But that occurred to me too ..." he gasped, kissing Severus roughly.  
  
"Mmm-" Severus moaned discreetly into Harry’s mouth, fisting at Harry’s clothes, just below his hip.   
  
Harry shifted himself forward very deliberately, "Did you ever ... think of me ..."  
  
"No … I got as far as, _No_. If the beginning of an untidy though began to form in my mind, I put it to an end. If I found myself looking, it ended with every ounce of self restraint I had. The smallest indulgence was simply unacceptable. So I told myself,  _No_." If Severus had indulged, even entertained the idea, it would have had disastrous results for his service to two masters. He looked up into Harry’s eyes careful, hoping that he understood and was not offended.   
  
"But you ... looked?" Harry's green eyes were close and warm, lit with gold rings around the black irises.  
  
"Yes. Yes, I've looked."  
  
Harry moaned, kissing Severus again, very hard, pressing him back into the chair.

**Author's Note:**

> co-authored. originally written for thestralskinphoenixtears


End file.
